the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
