I'm going to jail i love you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
