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Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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