it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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