im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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