It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
