he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
