I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
