I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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