The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
