we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize