Don't you send me to vm
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
