I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
