I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
