dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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