i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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