My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
