I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
