my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
