this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
