just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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