i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
