Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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