You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
