Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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