I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
