On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
