Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
