I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
