shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
