don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
