Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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