and next time when you feel me up, do it right
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think your dad took our porno
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
