I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
