Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
