I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
