stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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