Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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