how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
