He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
