i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
