Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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