Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
