Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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