how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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