You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
