SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
