when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
