I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
