so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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