my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
