You just made me feel so damn special
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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