it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
