youre lurking in front of me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
