how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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