She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my poor anus
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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