She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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