I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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