I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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