I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
