u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My cat gives me a boner
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize