I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
