i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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