Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
