My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
