went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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