You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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